I honestly believe that the manufacturers of washing machines design them to be used by women. I, in no way, say that in a chauvinistic way. I just think that women seem to be more in touch with the complexities of the modern machines.
All those buttons and displays relating to water levels, pre-soaking and gentle cycles seem so confusing to me. There is however, something about washing my clothes that bewilders me even more than those controls: Why do my underpants get turned inside-out when they are washed?
I have, although not of my own choosing, inherited the position of "Director of Laundry" in my home. In no way should you be the least bit impressed by that lofty title because my duties involve nothing more than operating my washer and dryer, and there are no subordinates to oversee. I merely place all of the articles -- regardless of color and type -- into the washing machine, close the lid and press down on the same buttons I always push. I wait until a familiar-sounding bell rings, then transfer the nicely cleaned articles into the waiting dryer.
I began to do my own laundry approximately three years ago. At first I paid little attention to the issue of inside-out underpants because I was only concerned with the complexities involved in the machine's operation. I ignored some of the touch-activated buttons with names like "pre-soak," "bright-white" and "color." I noticed the control labeled "gentle," but I considered my clothing to be -- at the very least -- sturdy, so I ignored that feature as well. I decided to wash any items deposited into the tub using only the control labeled "normal wash."
Once the laundry routine became relatively humdrum, I began to give more attention to the items as I transferred them from the washing machine to the dryer. It was then that the issue of inside-out underpants came to my attention.
At first I assumed that I may have placed those undergarments in the machine in that unorthodox position, so I began to consciously examine the shorts prior to placing them into the washer. I ensured that they were not inside-out, and deliberately and methodically inspected them prior to placing the items into the dryer. Much to my amazement, every piece of underpants was turned inside out and, as confusing if not more so, all the other items removed from the machine were just as I had placed them into the washer. Not reversed.
After the passing of time and several weekly wash days, I decided to conduct an experiment. I placed a number of items into the washing machine right-side-out, but I placed three pair of underpants into the same machine inside-out. I stood alongside the machine for more than 30 minutes as it soaked and spun and, well, who really knows what goes on inside there. When that bell finally rang, I opened the door fully expecting to find the three pair of pants to be right-side-out. However, every one of those underpants was still inside-out. The machine had not reversed them after all.
I examined the machine's control panel searching for an overlooked underpants control. Was there an "inside-out" button that had gone carelessly unnoticed? After several minutes of careful examination, I failed to locate any button or display that mentioned a feature that would reverse the items of clothing to be washed. If the machine was intentionally designed to reverse the orientation of the pants during one of the wash cycles, I wondered why the design engineer hadn't also built a feature into the process that would return the items to their original, and correct, orientation prior to the end of the wash.
I spent an afternoon perusing the machine's owner's manual, but found no mention of the strange occurrence either in the operating instructions or problems segment. I thought it possible that an employee at the factory where the machine was manufactured may have wired the motor to run in the wrong direction, so I pulled the washing machine away from its place against the laundry room wall and removed the back panel. I saw no indication that the motor could be easily rewired allowing the tub's rotation to be changed from counterclockwise to clockwise.
I finally emailed the manufacturer and, in great detail, described my concerns, but that email went curiously, to my disdain, unanswered. Was this part of a widespread laundry conspiracy that had yet gone unreported?
I've now decided to begin washing my underpants twice, believing that the first wash will turn the garments inside-out and, with great optimism and a small degree of confidence, possibly the second washing will reverse the process and return the clothes to their proper orientation.
If my fixation with the desire to acquire the correct positioning of a select number of pieces of laundry as they exit the washing machine seems somewhat obsessive and abnormal, just wait until I tell you about my concerns with my oven.
Stan Fine is a retired police officer and Verizon Security Department investigator who, after retiring in 2006, moved from Tampa, Fla., to Noel. Stan's connection to Noel can be traced back to his grandparents who lived most of their lives there. Stan began writing after the passing of his wife Robin in 2013. Opinions are those of the author.
Community on 09/15/2016