I'll bet just about everyone reading this column has seen or at least has some knowledge of Star Trek -- you know, Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock and all the rest of the crew. The saga has introduced us to gadgets and technology that the writers made up without any real expectation that they would ever become a reality.
What is so amazing is that a lot of things that we thought were so outlandish are getting scarily close to being real. I say that because I am the recipient of some high tech, out of this world technology that I couldn't even imagine. And, just a few years ago wasn't a reality.
This last week, I started on the next leg of my journey. The surgeons at MD Anderson decided to attack the little bugger on my tailbone before having the big surgery at a later date. They told me that they were going to do something called an "ablation." I thought that meant that they would open me up, take a scalpel and scrape it off the bone.
Boy, was I wrong. That may have been the case at one point in time but not in 2015. What the surgeon actually did was insert a couple of long needles through the bone into the inside of the tailbone, inject gasses and create an "iceball" around the tumor then suck it out. All of this guided by an MRI machine. They started the procedure around 8 a.m. and by 4:30 p.m.I was out of recovery and headed back to the motel room with very little pain and no incision. Wow, Star Trek has become a reality.
The best news is that the surgeon said that he was able to get all of that tumor so now we can move on to the other two and get life back to some form of normal. But, that "new" normal is going to be quite different from the "old" normal and I don't mean from a physical point of view but rather from a mental and spiritual point.
I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was a year ago before this journey. Oh, I tried to do the "right" things in life, but sometimes I did them for the "wrong" reasons. I would say that I was following God's leadership, but quite frankly, way too many times I was doing it for me and asking God to give His blessing. The real way to do it is to seek God's will first and then mold our life to His will instead of trying to mold His will to our life.
A year ago I prayed to God but I don't know that I could say I fellowshipped with Him. This journey has taught me that there is a difference between the two. I now try to seek God first instead of asking his blessing after the fact. You notice I used the word "try." That's because I still fail from time to time and will continue to for the rest of my life.
I was lamenting to my pastor, Todd Decker, that I was ashamed of myself for not having the faith that I should have. Todd, said it was okay to be human. I guess we all doubt from time to time but the real test of faith is to work through those moments of doubt and emerge on the other side stronger.
Over the course of the last few months I have found God in the darkest of nights and in the brightest of days. I have talked with Him during times of utter despair and during times of jubilation. And, there has never been a time that He wasn't there waiting for me. You see, it is true that God never moves away from us but rather we move away from Him. God is always the same and always there. It is up to us to move to where He is and not expect Him to move to where we are.
A year ago I don't think I was a bad person but I believe that I am a better person today than I was, but not as good as I should be tomorrow. I can never be the Christian, husband, father, son, brother or friend that I should be, but I can certainly strive to be better. I can achieve some level of success if I only trust in God to show me how.
I also have found that I now care less about what people think and more about what God thinks. This doesn't mean that I don't value and seek out the approval of those around me but I need to be more focused on the approval of God.
But, speaking of those around me, I have to say that I have been truly humbled by the concern and caring spirit of this community. So many people, with so much going on in their own personal lives have told me that they are praying for me daily. I covet those prayers and am deeply touched by the concern of so many.
I have more miles to go on this leg of my life's journey and I will have ups and downs, valley moments and hilltop experiences. But, walking with me and often times carrying me I have my God, my family and my friends. What more could anyone ask for?
Religion on 01/22/2015