"What the world needs now is love, sweet love ..." Question is: What kind of love?
In today's world, "Love" is one of the most-used, and most-abused, words in our vocabulary! So, are we talking about Eros or Agape?
Our society is obsessed with erotic love. The mantra goes: "Love means sex and sex means love. They are one and the same." Wrong.
True -- God created man and woman with a sexual desire; we are physically attracted to the opposite -- for the purpose of commitment to marriage, so that in the framework of a family we can bear children, so that the human race might continue and prosper. God created in us a sexual desire, coupled it with divine love, and God called it a good thing. True love, agape love, involves:
(1) mutual respect and trust, respecting the feelings and opinions of the other;
(2) loyalty and faithfulness to each other;
(3) a long-term commitment to one another;
(4) taking responsibility for our own actions, as well as responsibility for the other person, and for the results of our actions;
(5) lifting up the worth of the other person.
That all changed when we sinned against God; when we substituted God's rules for our own rules. God's "good desire" became an "evil desire" that we call lust. Erotic love:
(1) does not respect the feelings and desires of the other person; does not trust them;
(2) views the other person as some "thing" -- some thing, not quite human; some thing to be bought and sold like one's property; some thing to be used for one's own personal satisfaction; some thing to be cast aside/thrown away when no longer useful;
(3) does not accept responsibility for one's actions -- much less for the other person, or the results/ consequences of those acts;
(4) refuses to make any long-term commitments. Erotic love is always self-centered! Controlling. Manipulative. Possessive. Abusive. Lasts only for a moment.
Beware the red flags if you feel physically/sexually attracted to a person of the opposite sex.
Red Flag No. 1: "If you love me, you'll have sex with me." Note: It's all about "me" and "my" wants and needs; it's never about you!
Red Flag No. 2: "Everybody's doing it. You don't want to be seen as a prude, or as old-fashioned." Note: No! Not everybody is doing it! I'm not.
Red Flag No.3: "I want to spend all the time with only you." Translation: "You're my possession, and I don't want you to spend any time with your friends, or any more time with your family than is necessary. You belong to me; your one purpose is to gratify my needs."
Red Flag No.4: "We're engaged, or almost engaged, so it's alright to live together and have sex." Note: So far, there is NO commitment beyond the moment. Until the wedding vows are said and mutual promises are made in the presence of God -- until there is a verbal, and written, commitment to marriage, don't you believe it. Too many couples have tried it -- and it never works.
SO, if you see any of these Red Flags, leave that relationship, get out quick.
What the world needs most is Agape love. Divine love. God-like love. Agape love is always God-centered, never self-centered. Agape love places the feelings and desires of the loved one above one's own. Agape love respects the loved one as a person of great value. Agape love believes in long-term commitments, commitment to marriage and family. Agape love trusts the loved one completely. Agape love is not possessive. Agape love is very patient, is kind and gentle and considerate of the other. Agape love never gets jealous. Agape love is never rude, never irritable. Agape love never insists on its own way. Agape love encourages and rejoices when another does what's right; never points out the other's faults. Agape love brings out the best in the loved one. Agape love never ends, never gives up, never quits. This is the kind of love the world needs most.
How is the world to find this Godly love? Through people like you and me. Just as Jesus showed God's love to us; so we are to show God's love to others. Let's go and do it.
-- Dr. Don Kuehle is a retired United Methodist who lives in Jackson.
Religion on 08/20/2015